life is to purify our soul

this going to be a very long email. but this will only be a mukadimah to the whole thing that we need to understand. this is the basic of my understanding towards life. i hope you can get the hikmah of what i've been trying to explain.

first, lemme tell you something about flirting. flirting doesn't mean a man love somebody. its about the ego of conquering their inner self. usually man do that because they need attention. the problem is some man forget about the border line. the get carried away and dunno when to stop. their serotonin get corrupted by their testosterone. to my term, i called it man's naughty thought.

desire is like drug. we need to control them, not the other way around. in order to control it, we need to know them. we can't control somebody that we don't know personally, or something that we not sure how its work. thats why God give us life. to learn and understand ourself by experience. doesn't matter how good or bad our life is, its God's will. God give us choice for us as a technique for us to master ourself. God lend us the body for us to use as a tool.

this might sound a bit strange but thats what i understood for now about life. we can't control ourself if we can't control the tools. we can't learn if we don't master the tools. life is a learning process to understand why we need to be back in heaven.

back to your story, u feel your hubby doesn't love you anymore. u want his love, and you want your hubby to only love yourself. i learn something about love long time ago, love is not to be earn, its to be given. when you can give love means you have love in your heart. and that love itself is a reward.

to my perspective, when you know somebody love you back, its double the pleasure, but pls bear in mind, its also double your responsibility; sebagai pencinta dan sebagai kekasih. being pencinta, you'll rarely get hurt because you need nothing. no matter what our kekasih did, we look over it as joy and pleasure. a man who need nothing is a great man. take God instead. God need nothing from us. thats pencinta agung.

now lets view us as kekasih. pencinta give us choice, to love back or not. its our calls. if we choose not then we'll be in hell because heaven is when kekasih live in pencinta love. where else should kekasih go if not to their pencinta. thats fitrah.

but when we choose to love back, we need to educate and sometimes force ourself to do even something that we dun wanna do, or to refrain ourself from something that can hurt our pencinta. thats is our existance as servant to God. we are the kekasih. we need to do whatever its takes to get the love that we need.

if we can see this God-servant relationship in marriage then we will understand more about why we are created by God. like woman and man, servant to serve life before joining God in heaven. before that, woman to serve her life before completing her man. the purpose of woman is to complete a man. its as simple as God told us about Hawa creation.

Hawa created to give Adam company and makes him happy. the question is Adam not happy in heaven? no. its part of the education. Adam sees Hawa as his other part. when Hawa makes Adam to do something that is forbidden (why theres still laws in heaven? wallahualam), Adam do it and then God sent them to earth. to my understanding, Adam's body is made from earth, and theres where the body should go back to. so life is some sort of purification.

what does it mean by purification? God created man body from earth then God give it a ruh. ruh is what we are. man's body is only temporary physique, a tool on how to understand our self being. so its depends on us on how to use the tool, thats a choice. we choose on how we want to live our life.

maka secara fitrah manusia itu dalam bentuk kekurangan sejak dari syurga. kerna kekurangan itu manusia tidak sempurna dalam kesendiriannya. kerna ketidaksempurnaan itu tidak ada seorang manusia yang lebih baik dari seorang manusia yang lain.dan ini juga bermakna tiada manusia yang tidak pernah melakukan kesilapan. besar atau kecil setiap kesalahan itu bergantung pada persepsi individu, kerna persepsi individu itu unik, bergantung pada tingkat ilmu, pengetahuan dan pengalamannya. disini letaknya kebijaksanaan dalam penciptaan manusia yang dinamakan akal. maka akal pula dipasangkan pula dengan hati, yang menjadi alat memantau akal dengan perasaan, cinta dan nafsu. sekali lagi, dengan semua komplikasi ini, kita diberi pilihan untuk menjalani hidup.

so back to your story, you feel that he doesn't love you anymore, but i know one thing for sure that you still love him. you want to forgive but you dunno how. you feel like you will betray yourself if you keeps on forgiving him, which in one sense i do believe its true. let me share with you what i learn quite sometimes ago, we want life to threat us better. we feel sorry for ourself and for everyone else, thinking that life should be fair. feeling sorry only makes us feel worse than what we already are.

life is unfair. its unfair because its doesn't need to be fair. and we know that its not life's job to make everything perfect. the key is we have to admit that. its not our duty to make it fair to everybody or even to ourself. what we hafta do is to do the best of what we can do and enjoy every moment doing it. what happens after that its beyond our control. it doesn't mean that we should not doing anything to upgrade ourself, but in contrary, its suggest that we should.

when we understand that life is unfair, then we will not pity ourself. instead we will feel compassion to ourself and our surrounding. so everytime we feel down, we know that we hafta get back in track. choose our choice and live with it. its our choice to live in sorrow or happiness. heaven and hell does exist in this world, its only the matter of our choice to live in heaven or hell. its our choice and not others.

i believe you must have read so many time i write about one of my favourite quote: "if you don't like what you see, change it. if you can't change it, change your perspective towards it". thats how i live my life.

theres a lot of thing happens around us that we cannot change. most of it because we dun have to. life is a test. a test to our self. looks beyond the problem, not only the problem itself. the problem that happened is only a hint. in our process of learning, we have to digest all this for ourself. what does God want us to learn. always seeks the hikmah. does God want us to strength our heart? does God want us to change the path of our life? where does this lead us to?

theres two way on how to understand this. one, what will we do if today going to be our last day? how should we react to the situation, that we label as a problem, if we know that we going to die tomorrow? will we react the same as how we react today?

second, what will we do if the situation happens 50 years from now? does it still matters to us? will we feel we going to lose as much as we did today? are we going to react as we react today?

to me, what had happened is not important anymore, its history. we can only seeks hikmah and learn as much as we can about it. teach ourself and be prepared.

also what will happens tomorrow is beyond my control. even if i do good thing, its can turn to bad thing tomorrow. tell me one person that always know what going to be happen tomorrow, or even if he know it, he can't change it, even if he wanna change it, he have to wait till tomorrow, only if there is tomorrow for him. its God's will. its fate.

so what i can change is today, the present time. not tomorrow, not next week or next month or even next year. in contrary, what we choose today determine what happens next. thats the key, today is what matters. today is when we make our choice. so don't wait if you wanna do something.

speaking about love, its our fitrah. its how we created. its what we are. once we found love, its will remains. if someone that we love did something bad, we can get angry, hurt and even hate them, but the love is still there. we have all those bad feeling because we love them. we want them to be happy, much happier than us. we have all those negative thought because we don't want them to destroy themself. but we forget that they are also human, like us. regardless big or small, we all do mistakes.

we can't stop loving someone because they did something bad. bad people also do good things and good people do mistakes. bad things happens. we hafta admit and realise that, not because we can't do anything about it but because we love them.

love is a great source of power. use that for positive purpose. don't use it for negative potential. the first step is to correct our perspective. when people do bad things to us, try not to look ourself as a victim. show compassion because its always mean that they need our help and guidance.

people do bad thing because they lost. they need guidance and they for sure need love and compassion. when people lost, they can't control themself. they did what they not supposed to do and said something that they don't mean to said. but whats done is done. he can helped it. then its depends on our reaction. its still a choice for us, to make is worse or to make it better.

i have this thought once. whenever a bad things happened, i must be part of it. the only thing is whether i realise it or not. sometimes small sin that we did have a big impact to our surrounding. so it can be the big sin that they did is because we neglect small stuff. but never blame ourself. it won't improve anything. instead, look beyond it, hikmah, and work it out. big step start from the small one.

if we choose to create hell, then that what we got. we react negatively. we get mad. blame everybody for what has happened. then at the end of the day, what do we got? we left alone with bad feeling in our stomach. is that the life we wanna live for the rest of our life? we already in hell before we knew it. you wanna live in sorrow, be my guest.

what if we react positively. with passion and love. maybe its will not change their perspective towards us. maybe they will do more bad thing. but at the end of the day, we can still smile and enjoy the rest of the day. we still in heaven.

when we do good thing to good guy, we are a nice person. when we do good thing to bad guy, we still a nice person. so how we want ourself to remember ourself today? of course, the choice are ours, not them. they have made their choice. do we want to choose the same path? its our call.

i love to see joy in people eyes. genuine smile on their face. hugs and kisses. people forgive each other for their mistakes. no matter who fault it can be. once, one of my good friend told me, if you wanna blame somebody for all the mistakes that happens, blame God. the one who create you and put you in all this messy world. thats the beauty of it. even we know that, we still ask forgiveness from God. its not because what God made us, but because we know that God do it because God love us. its all that matters. God's love. rahmat dan berkah.

during my hard time, i envy other people happiness and pity myself. then i realize why i should not be happy, even its other people happiness. is it that we always hafta to be the part of it? we already part of it. feeling good seeing people laugh. then i invent hugs and kisses ritual in my house. i hugs and kisses my wife and kids whenever i have the chance. whenever i wanna do it, whenever i feel they want it. even when they do bad things to me, i should not be angry, why should i, its their challenge. always in my mind what if thats going to be my last moment with them. i always find a way to enjoy every moment with them. God i miss them.

am i a good guy? no. its simply because i love them. i do bad stuff. i'm only human. but i know for sure, i do really love them and i will always continue to love them as much as i can. i know how it feels to be lost and alone. i don't ask the question whether they love me or not, whether they miss me or not. because i know they are. how do i know? because i do. i feel that way. maybe i need to hear it once in a while but thats not because i doubt them, its because i doubt myself.

to me, its always about ourself. we can't change people, but we do can change ourself. if we want a miracle, we hafta create it. miracle won't happens for nothing. miracle is not a food that comes from the sky when we hungry, miracle is the food we put on table after we work for and earn it. Miracle is not when somebody comes to say they love you, miracle is seeing happiness in our beloved one because they know we will love them no matter what they did. knowing that we will not give up hope on them.

in MDC, people always hate me because they thought i'm bias. i always said wife should served their hubby no matter what. i do believe love need appreciation. but how could other people appreciate our love if we can't appreciate it ourself. maybe i'm a bit conventional, but what i believe is i don't need people to love me back because i love them. its kind of insult to the love that i have for them. if they wanna love me, its because they wanna love me, not because i love them.

some people said i'm crazy, i try to make greater cause for the world. i'm not. i just wanna give love and spread it. everytime i look into people eyes, i ask a question, how can i love them? loving somebody doesn't necessary we devoted to them. ok don't get me wrong yet. hear what i'm trying to say first. to serve love is not to serve a body, its to serve the soul. and usually its to serve our own soul.

remember that our body is only earth that has to go back to earth. its our soul that live in the body. so with everybody else. don't get confused by life. life is to purify our soul. we are in a very long journey back to our creator. don't get obsessed of what happens in this world, just follow through the best that we can and be a better person each day. seek love and happiness to grow and purify our soul, until God calls us back. so while we still living and continue our journey, take care of our heart and soul. thats our responsibility.

like i said before, marriage is an interpretation of our relationship with our God. understanding hubby and wife relation is understanding God-human relation. thats what i try to say in my risalah cinta. how we behave towards our spouse is an interpretion on how we behave towards our God. i won't say its easier for women because they only need to understand connection between human and God, unlike man that have to understand being God himself. then God make only women give birth, to understand why God created man, and how its feel. feeling that all man wanna knows but only women got the advantage. thats why women special. thats why man need women, not only to complete himself but in order to understand the whole process and the purpose of life.

man and women need to be together to understand life. its not necessary we have to understand every bit of what our spouse did, but to understand why things happens and the consequences. doesn't matter what they did, what does matter matter is how we react towards it. we are the one who create heaven or hell for ourself.

i should stop for this time. just throw me a question, i would love to answer it. its a long way for all of us to understand life. we might even get to the finish line before we even understand. but hey, we are only human, just be one. we don't need to be perfect, but what goes around does comes around. wallahualam.

26/12/05 13:42
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